Yes, it’s time. Time to keep to my word and post my Before and Current photos. I have had a huge amount of anxiety over this moment, and I hope that once I do this, I can shake it off and move on.
I think I mentioned before that I felt it was important for me to post these photos because I believed it would be helpful in terms of dealing with some of the self-loathing issues I seem to have concerning my appearance. I’ve always felt this way about myself, which is pretty terrible to admit, but not at all surprising to anyone that knows me very well. It is at the root of a lot of my failings in life, which are many, and has been the deal-breaker in many failed relationships.
My before photo is rather sad. I instantly feel exactly how I felt at that moment whenever I look at it. I was still utterly saturated with the symptoms of my recently diagnosed diabetes, and you can see it very much in my face. My skin and hair were dull and dry, and every part of me was swollen and uncomfortable. Not to mention about 70lbs fatter.
So, without further ado —
There. Now I just have to keep breathing and maybe I’ll get through this.
I was approximately 315lbs in the Before photo. I started off at 333lbs, so yes, it was actually even a little bit worse than that initially, if you can imagine. Granted, I realize now that the first 15-20lbs lost were likely just comprised of water, and not actual fat. But there it is. I am currently 260lbs, with a goal weight of 193. However, my goal weight is basically just a number I’ve chosen arbitrarily, simply because it is less than 200lbs (and also because it makes it an even 140lbs lost). I’m close to 6′ tall, and my “ideal weight” is supposedly between 165-180. When I get to 193, I will choose how much further I want to go based on how I feel. I won’t know until I get there, and I’m fine with not knowing with any certainty where I’ll end up. Wherever it is, it will be an improvement from where I was, and where I’m at right now. But, for what it’s worth in light of that, I am halfway to my goal: 73lbs down, 67 to go.
I wish I could say that this has been difficult so far. In all honesty, it hasn’t been. Not that I don’t have days when I want to eat things “normal people” eat, or have days when I just don’t want to work out. I do. I totally want a huge pizza all to myself almost all the time. I would love some coffee ice cream. I just can’t do that to myself, though. That feeling I had when I was in the midst of the diabetes symptoms is not a feeling I want to revisit. Ever. I think I feel this has been easy because I’d had such a terrible preconception of what weight loss entailed before I started all of this. I thought it was going to be agony. I thought I was going to burn out and give up because it was so hard. But, I haven’t, and I won’t, because I’ve actually enjoyed all of it so far. I’ve learned so much along the way, and I just want to keep learning and finding new ways of eating and living in a healthy way.
I have a new doctor, by the way. A bright, soft-spoken woman that made me feel at ease right away. I told her about my recent weight loss, and she told me I was well on my way to reversing my diabetes. Reversing!! If only that could be true. I hope it can be. She lowered my Metformin meds by half, ordered new labs to see where I’m at, and set me up for another appointment next month. Hopefully, I’ll have more good news to share with you by then.
Thanks to everyone that has supported me so far. It has meant the world to me, and I appreciate it more than I can say. :)